So this is a story all about how
The above picture is largely unrelated to this blog entry. It’s a picture from last week - I was invited to the opening ceremony (whoo, get me) of the Hong Kong Film Festival in Tokyo. The woman you can see is Cecilia Cheung, a pretty famous HK celebrity. Anyway.
Hey folks, remember me? I used to run this website.
Now, 25% of you are probably sitting in your chairs tapping a rolling pin into your palm like a 1950s British housewife thinking “where have YOU been” but unfortunately I haven’t been down the pub drinking mead and rolling a hoop along with a stick or stoning witches or whatever they did for fun in those days.
A further 30% of you are probably glancing round the page looking for some kind of garishly-coloured picture of a food product in the vain hope that this might be one of those faintly amusing food reviews I do. A cold sweat has broken out on your forehead as you realise that, shit, there might not be one today.
Which leaves 45% of you as gay males who have come here to look at my pics and / or leave messages that indicate you would like to shag me in the bum. Or, on the odd occasion, find my email address on this site and contact me directly with messages like “Hello my name Edwardo I musician I live Tokyo lets meet please”. To all of you, even the pretty ones, I say that despite my outrageously homosexual dress sense, I am STRAIGHT. I moan so much about women because I LOVE them. I’ll never give them up for you no matter how much rohypnol you slip into my - admittedly quite, quite gay - kiwi and banana latte. Course I wouldn’t rule out a MMF as long as you didn’t touch my anus.
So anyway hello! Welcome to an entry. Haven’t seen one of these for a while. So what the frick happened?
Well as you may or may not know, I launched a new personal project, Sketchplanet, a couple of weeks ago. It was - quite literally - an overnight success, attracting hundreds of new members within days of going public, thanks to early exposure from Metafilter and a TV show called “Attack Of The Show“. Now, roughly 2 weeks on, there are over a THOUSAND registered members. Almost incredibly, it has not yet been overrun by a furious tidal wave of penis sketches, but we can still hope. Anyway whilst this has taken up a decent wedge of my free time what with managing the website, that’s not the main reason for my temporary absence.
You see, with one certifiable internet success (I measure this with the “yeah well has your fricking site been on TV? HA HA” Nathan-laugh yardstick) it has given me a craving to do more, which is slowly spiralling out of control, like a guy who finds that he likes to spank his girlfriend during sex and weeks later suddenly finds himself kicking the shit out of homeless people whilst wanking himself into a crazy-eyed froth.
So I’ve been thinking, what else could I do? And that’s where it all began.
Yongfook.com as you know it is - FANFARE - going to get a huge revamp so that I can shift my focus. I suppose I haven’t really made it 100% clear to all of you - since the working lifestyle in Tokyo is largely incomparable to ones in other countries - but to put it simply: I’m at the office a LOT. Pretty much on every single weekday I will not come home before midnight. I have become but a puny, brainwashed hamster in the giant wheel of workaholism that Tokyo is both famous for and relies upon so that trains don’t smash into each other and convenience stores get their fresh onigiri on the hour every hour, even if the delivery man is DEAD. This means that there is a considerable lack of time for me to pump out those 1500-word food reviews that some of you enjoy.
However I do have little pockets of time in which I would like to “blog” (aggh!1one) about certain things. I might not let it on, but in between all the bad dates, uncontrollable binge drinking and obsessive measuring of my penis with one of those small novelty rulers you find in Christmas crackers for children, there is OCCASIONALLY something I might like to mention on my blog. It might be talking about a new technology I’m fiddling with (that’s the sound of my two female readers putting their knickers back on), or giving a quick review of a restaurant I went to the night before, or talking about - oh I don’t know, THE CRAZY S&M CLUB ENCOUNTER last weekend (crazy, it was. oh and expensive) - but I feel short blog entries like that would be wasted on the current format of my blog which displays one big fat entry on the home page at a time. I still WANT to give food reviews, and will endeavour to do as such, I’m just saying that I’d also like to use these shorter bursts of time more efficiently. For the updated design I have in mind, food reviews will still be the main focus of the site.
IN ADDITION TO THIS though, I am also planning to start up a dedicated podcasting blog to give some humour-infused Japan-related audio for people to listen to, featuring a variety of beautiful and funny hosts (including a yongfook.com visitor whom many of you might already be familiar with. Clue - he’s a JINX). The new domain is already registered and the team is already having rough discussions on just what kind of ratio of leper jokes vs. actual content is appropriate. Expect motions in a couple of months.
AND FINALLY, I really want to start making music again, and I want to make that more of a social thing where people can comment on the music and suggest how to make it better - it’s going to get more focus on the front page, basically.
And these changes are going to happen….NOW!
Oh but how I wish that were the case. Nope, this is going to happen slowly over a couple of months. You won’t notice anything different until everything is finished - it will be business as usual as far as you are concerned, on yongfook.com. But at least that’s something to look forward to. And if not? Well, I have a special name for people who complain about free added value: cunts.
toodles, yongfook
Where are your pics so I can fantasize about shagging you in the bum?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/yongfook/sets/967509/
crap.. you guys are forgetting that, that bum is where all the crap from crap Jap food from the food reviews are going to be crapping out from.
dear yongfook, i’d like the condom back I left in your bum.
Thank you for the flickr link, will respond again once I feverishly stop masturbating. (Please change the word “once” in that sentence to “if”.)
I don’t wear “knickers”, actually. From what I understand they come down to your knees. Please lets meet.
My website’s been on TV loads of times.
I have no desire to have anything to do with your anus
I do want food reviews though
I’d also like more food reviews, although all your entries are entertaining.
…but…food! Nothing compares to food. Especially if it’s Japanese.
go you
!
oh.
I look forward to it (:
Sounds exciting, looking foward to new music (undecided about knicker situation)
Sounds lame. Will there be pictures of this supposedly gorgeous “jinx?” Or only his breathy nasally whining?
Sounds good. How do you find enough hours in the day tho’? Good Luck!
ambitious ventures, I’d say, considering how busy you seem to be with work as it is. good luck anyway I suppose.
Did someone say cunts? As long as there is a fair amount of penii to even them out, I’ll keep on coming to this orgy. And to the guest hosts, if they aren’t as funny or handsome as you I’m boycotting in the form of cutting my visitation by half. That means I’ll only be here 50 times in the week. So BOO.
Sounds more like yongsuck.com from here on out.
Fabulous! Am looking forward to the new, revamped yongfook.com and (can we hope?) more frequent entries. And hurrah! for podcasts. Now I’ll have something to listen to in class, instead of dozing off to the drone of my lecturers talking about…. er… Anyway.
What sort of music will you be presenting us with? What is all this “trip hop” you have in your media section? Can we expect something along the lines of Mendelssohn, or Brahms? HUH?
(Well, actually, I’m not fussy — as long as you warn us if it’s going to be techno.)
“You see, with one certifiable internet success (I measure this with the “yeah well has your fucking site been on TV? HA HAâ€? Nathan-laugh yardstick)”
is that about me!?!? Or is it some reference I’m not cool enough to understand?? (my name is Nathan too)
I don’t know you, ergo, it’s unlikely it’s about you.
I think you should defined yourself as a Gay Straight Man. And Cunt is a good word.. Like “Fuck”.. Verb.. Noun.. Adj.. Useful.. VeRy Useful…
hooray!! changing the website-. cheers to the music bit. it’s great that you’re getting back to that, i really liked sakura and the others were cool too. you’re a pretty good violinist, and do not produce strange screeches like my brother does. HOORAY more music!! [dont put it on itunes though, for 99cents because 1)it isnt available here and 2) i don’t have a credit card.] looking forward to it. btw. where the HELL can i download aruria flower by the nujabes? that podcast song just absolutely rocked. (: appreciate it.
Go yongfook!
]: mook..
Great site. Mucho entertainamundo.
So what’s the story with you and the HK Film Fest?
Sooooo… how expensive WAS the crazy S&M club encounter last weekend?
Long time reader first time commenter. Next time you decide to give a review think in advance of these 3 simple words…. “Is it Edible?� reading about the sugary gelatinous Japanese substance called “food� is far more entertaining than the % of men hitting on you.
Also stick to food reviews, more entertaining…
You gotta do what you gotta do. I look forward to the new entries.
Yeah yeah, food’s good and all, and it certainly reinvigorated yongfook.com by creating a hard focus, but there is only so much you can say week to week without reiterating the basics, namely “tastes of poo,” “whoever thought of this is Japanese…and therefore off their head,” “hey, look at the packaging.” What yongfook NEEDS is a high paying teaching job in rural Japan, where he can spend his idle hours exposing the inanities of Japanese life. Ever think about quitting your job, Cockle? Or are you truly happier with a “real” life?
If there is a high-paying teaching job going, I’d jump at it. I thoroughly enjoyed my time teaching.
Course, by high-paying I’m talking like a billion yen. And at least one concubine a month whom I may have my way with. Oh and she must be good at making sandwiches.
Hey did I ever tell you about my ham sandwich sex fetish?
Only like a million trillion times already.
Looking forward to the re-vamp dude.
I enjoyed the old-skool Yongfook due to the diversity of subject matter and penis references.
I also recommended you should just call your CD “Yongfook” so you should listen to my advice because it’s obviously pound for pound the best advice you’ll ever get and I’ll never let you forget it. I was about to type “EVARRRR” then, but it appears that’s become more of an internet cliche’ than sending Hasslehoff emails.
Anyway, bring on the music too!
– Brian
Long time reader, first time commenter (harhar)…
Regarding the revamp: I love yongfook for your writing style (and the fact that you live in Mecca), so anything that allows you to post more witty banter (food-related or not) is A-OK in my book!
Also, your fan-base has a weird obsession with penis. Metrosexual does not equal cock-lover…leave the man’s cornhole alone, people!
peace…
-LoKi Out
… cornhole?
Ham sandwich fetish…………………………. (@-@) speechless No more sandwich for breakfast.. Thanks yongfook….
give up the job and live off stale prawn crackers and broken biscuits…i’m sure everyone will donate them…they’d better be good podcasts
…I don’t care if you’re straight — you’re a cool guy, funny & a bit ‘ditzy’…but like a moth drawn to a flame, I’m compelled to come back for more insane flogging & complaining about lack o’nookie, life in Tokyo and the ups and downs of someone I consider a sensitive genius stuck half way around the world…
MONGOLATOR MONGOLATOR ALLIGATOR POO RETARD REEETARD REEEEETARD REEEEEEETARD REEEEEEEEEEETARD REEEEEEEEEEEEETARD
Umm. bites thumb
Been sitting on the fence for some time now about whether YF really is a sexy beast. Or just another sex crazed techie stuck in Tokyo office tower with no hope of getting laid sometime this centruty (there’s a lot of this century left).
I suppose I’d try to extrapolate at some point my divergent instincts, the first of which is to run towards him, yelling “my ovaries are yours, you sexy beast” and waving bits of female unmentionables at him.
On the other hand, there’s the even stronger pull of self-preservation, which would have me running in the other direction, howling “noooooooooooooooooooo, not the pink flowered knickers, you’re stretching theeeem”.
I suppose all this speculation amuses, entertains and enlightens my dreary little life, just like the column and comments, for which YF is the catalyst, the alpha and omega, the first and the last.
bows and scrapes to YF
the rest of you should too…..
GirlE, get over yourself already.
yay!! podcast with Sir Guiggleton! I for one am looking forward to hearing both of you bantering away (and i mean it!)
Agreed Jen.
Also, can everyone stop trying to “be the Yongfook” and emulate his style of writing/observation. It doesn’t work. Flattering for YF perhaps, but annoying for the rest of us.
O dear dear, everyone seems to be getting so hostile….MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!
My bad… I’ve got pre-exam PMS, which is a but weird because I’m a guy.
Is it Christmas again. Shit.
Duuuuuuuuuuuude!!!
Great blog, I’m making more time to read the rest of your posts. :P. Keep up the good writing and thanks for your time and efforts writing.
Wow, I like your blog, will definitely bookmark it. Keep on posting like you do, take good care, Liam Anders
Whta agreat blog. I just wish I had the consistence that you have, it is certianly hard to write posts everyday or regularily for that matter. Thank you!
mystical crochet!uninteresting sprees!smashingly,holding indication!…