I love the smell of napalm in general
Moving to Tokyo has meant my lifestyle has been through a lot of changes. However, none of those changes are perhaps quite so insignificant as the fact that I can now eat “Monjayaki”, a famous Tokyo speciality, pretty much any time I want.
Monjayaki is for me a perfect example of trying slightly too hard to create something unique. It is a dish that has either evolved or devolved (depending on your viewpoint) from Okonomiyaki, which is a popular type of thick, savoury Japanese pancake-mix, mixed with cabbage, meat and other things, cooked on an iron hotplate and eaten nationwide. Monjayaki is almost exactly the same as that, except someone suggested - probably as a humourous joke that everyone else took too seriously after which the person who made the initial joke simply shrugged his shoulders and went back to rubbing manure on his penis - that the recipe would be greatly improved by the addition of about a litre of water.
Effectively then, Monjayaki is fried soup. Trying to understand even the basic physics of how that might work has made generations of people go completely insane and it is clear to me that - judging by the way Monjayaki is served - most people still don’t know.
You have to admire the retarded purity of it all. Other cultures might improve on recipes by developing new cooking techniques or adding new and interesting herbs / spices to create new flavours, but the people of Tokyo have assessed their options and decided that adding a whole shitload of water to what was effectively already liquid, is in some way creating a delicious regional dish, a signature for the capital of Japan.
Of course, upon arriving in Tokyo, I knew none of this. So imagine my surprise as I ordered Monjayaki at an Okonomiyaki restaurant, about a month after moving here. Okonomiyaki, for those who don’t know, comes in “raw” form as a kind of runny pancake batter with bits in, which you then cook yourself using a hotplate which is at the center of each table. In front of me was the usual hot-plate but in my bowl was not the usual gloopy, viscous Okonomiyaki pancake mix but an altogether more soupy abomination, with a few pieces of token tofu and vegetables floating around inside it, like someone had submerged a homeless person’s lunch in a bowl of water. My initial reaction was simply to look up at the waitress as if she had just shit on my lap, but after an extended, awkward silence, I kindly asked her what the frick I was supposed to do with it.
The waitress, probably used to bemused outsiders like me, was happy to oblige by taking over the reins and proceeded to make it for me. The way to cook Monjayaki is largely the same as Okonomiyaki except you spread it out much thinner. Of course that’s no more a quirk of the serving style than it is a physical inevitability, since Monjayaki is basically just greenish brownish water with lumps in, making it impossible to arrange it into any shape other than “thin”, when you pour it onto a flat surface.
After a lengthy frying time, which was peppered throughout with me looking at the watery, bubbling mess in front of me then looking up at the waitress with my best “I’m sorry my dear but are you taking the fricking PISS?” face, the Monjayaki was “ready” to eat, which is a nice way of saying it had congealed enough for you to pick bits of it up, it being a substance that resembles what the guy from Robocop who crashed into the toxic waste might puke up after eating a cabbage patch doll. You eat Monjayaki by scraping it off the hotplate little by little with a special utensil which looks like a metal spatula made for tiny little pixies. It is literally no bigger than an adult index finger and I cannot possibly think of a more unsuitable tool for scraping food off a searing hot metal cooking surface, other than perhaps your own bare hands or chopsticks made of nitro glycerine.
2nd degree burns to the hand aside, is it worth all this trouble? Frick. No. Monjayaki tastes almost exactly the same as Okonomiyaki - an attribute that should be fairly obvious as it contains almost exactly the same ingredients, but of course the texture is entirely different. If I had to put a finer edge on my earlier description of “fried soup”, I’d probably say “burnt fried soup”, since the proverbial icing on the cake with Monjayaki or, the thing that makes Monjayaki Monjayaki, is the existence of a burnt, crispy layer on the bottom of whatever you manage to scrape up. This is the kind of thing that in the West would signify that you have fricked up the cooking process but in the case of Monjayaki it is heralded as one of the most important qualities of the dish. Which says far more than I ever could.
So, onto today’s review which is a new and limited edition Monjayaki-flavour corn snack.
Appearance Twiggy little corn sticks that are a blatant rip-off of good old British Nik-Naks. Probably.
Taste/Smell
As much as I cannot take Monjayaki seriously as a food product that hasn’t been dreamt up by a 5 year old child and their toy kitchen set, it doesn’t actually taste that bad. Think vegetable soup that has been boiled down, thickened, and then fried and you would be 90% of the way there. Hence, the flavour of this corn snack is actually quite palatable and in many ways is less insulting to eat than the real Monjayaki in all it’s burnt, congealed magnificence. The addition of bulldog sauce (made with real bulldogs) only makes it all the more delicious. 4/5
Fear Factor 100% less fear-inducing than eating the toxic waste puke that IS real Monjayaki. 1/5
Health Implications Fried corn snack. Fatty fat fat fat. 2/5
Final Rating: 3/5 - much preferred over the real thing.
Does slathering it in mayo help? Is it better than Hiroshima-style okonomi-yaki (or as I call it, “burnt cabbage”)?
Hiroshima-style okonomiyaki is arguably the best kind. I mean you get NOODLES pressed into it. That just screams “we have no more ideas”, but still, it tastes good. Way, WAY better than Monjayaki, trust me.
I hope there’s a Japanese guy living in Britain (perhaps called ‘Yangfaark’) with a Japanese language blog ranting in sheer disbelief about the fact that us laughable gaijin couldn’t-cook-for-toffee-rosbif-Brits are so batshit crazy that we DON’T even fry soup. Get with the now Britain.
You dog. You had a review lined up this whole time. Now I’ll have to read it.
Wow, Frito-Lay makes that. Shokku.
If you ever get a chance, and this is an actual horror-free recommendation, try fujinomiya-style yakisoba. It’s a bit chewier than the standard types and doesn’t get your hands all oily when you take it out of the package. Dunno if they’d sell it in Tokyo tho, my guess is no since this is Japan after all.
that looks good.
now if they could deep-fry soup, THEN they’d be on to something.
Wow. When I moved from Kyoto to Tokyo, I wondered what this “monjayaki” was that I saw signs for… I’m glad now I never tried it.
Hey! Kyoto is just Tokyo spelt funny. I’m a genius. ok whatever.
Me too.
I like monjayaki better than okonomiyaki. Especially cheese monja. Yum! Tastes better than fish & chips, I would expect.
Yong Fook at his best makes me giggle like a retarded teenager.
But then again, all teenagers are retarded.
What a strange sounding food. ISomtimes I’m glad I live in america.
I was intrigued enough to google monjayaki. That is just way too much work for scorched bits.
http://www.sakuratei.co.jp/en/monja-yaki.html
Oh, and I ruv that authentic bull-dog sauce!
Philistine! Don’t speak ill of the monj! Tis what separates us monja-chomping kantorians from our takoyaking kansiamese bretheren. Might I suggest 1) going to a decent place - anywhere in Tsukishima should do (and I do mean anywhere, as every shop in Tsukishima is a top notch monja gaff), and 2) trying the mochi-cheese-mentaiko monja. It has the widest look to taste differential of any food group known to man. That being said, crispy fried soup does seem a pretty accurate description, though I prefer to describe it as being what happened if you fed the raw ingredients of okonomiyaki to Jesus Christ himself, stuck your fingers down his throat so he threw it all back up on a hotplate, seasoned with his divine gastric juices and diced carrot, and then left it there for half hour to “cook.” Yummy!
Monjayaki attack
Let’s play a new game that’s fun for all the family. It’s called:
“Monjayaki or Pavement Pizza?”
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Yet another reason why Kansai whoops up on Kantou. Y’know…besides the fact that Tokyo sucks.
Even tho it was crap trying monjayaki at a company bonenkai or something was one of the culinary highlights of my 8 year stay in Japan. It’s basically po’ peoples’ food, so its got culture. Very different experience, after the hundredth yakitoriya and Tengu, it was pretty cool. But man was it nasty.
Hey yongFOOK, I HAVE A GREAT IDEA. WHY DON’T YOU WRITE A FOOD REVIEW ON JAPAN’S MCDONALDS FOOD LIKE THE TSUKIMI BURGER?!!!! THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.
Re: Troy’s remark that it was po’ people’s food.
So you’re saying the addition of a shitload of water was basically to stretch out the amount of food? blinks interesting concept…. Any other signature dishes that come under the heading “‘po people’s food”?
Is saying “po’” instead of “poor” supposed to make you sound cooler? How do you decide what to drop? For instance, wou’ thi’ wo’?
how come people make such a big deal out of the shit food? if it’s good , it’s good. that’s that!!
It’s a Southern Accent slangword. :D There’s a sandwich called a “po’ boy”, in reference to the fact that it’s made out of anything that the person had at the time. As such, “po’ people’s food” Ashan’s fun fact of the day!
Evayasha: Americans served me salad with segments of mandarin and little marshmellows with dinner. Now is this normal, or have I been taken for a ride? (Those under suspect hail from Utah)
I like to believe that Utah is not America.
I like to believe that soup isn’t for frying, but sometimes your belief system just gets shaken up.
there’s this dish in malaysia that i have not the nerve nor time to try a second time called FRIED PORRIDGE.. it’s supposed to look like slabs of the backs of ogres’ worn soles in shades of brown due to the soy sauce used and the frying process, from the original lumpy paste.
btw, it’s RICE porridge, not the gooey oat type u brits eat that supposed to be fed to horses and pigs and other daring mammals.
Fucken hilarious as usual!
Thanks for the warning, now I know never to eat Monjayaki when I visit Tokyo.
Wow, I just realized that I can see your JBL speaker system rising up sureally in the background of the Monjayaki corn snack pic. The drugs must be working…
How about a review on exotic ice cream (i.e shrimp flavoured) sold near Tokyo Disneyland? I am sure I read that somewhere.
fried porridge has nothing on fried/burnt soup. I tried it once before, and to be frank, I can’t tell if it tastes any different from the usual. :P
you made a cameo in my dream last night haha
you should review “Suppon”, the “energy” drink from China that is supposed to give you mad sexual powers. It might rock your world.
BRAAHHG braahhg BBBBBBBRAAAAHHHGGGGGGGG PPPPPPPFFFFFFFT!!! BWWAAAAAAG!!!! BWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAGG!!!!
Every man should have the opportunity to try all the disgusting foodstuff ever invented by humans in this world.
fried soup is sexy
h, you need to clarify. Who is “you” and who are you? I also need to sue you for blatantly copying the one letter id method.
wowwwwwwwwwwwww this is a very special site…
somewhat similar to mine? since i often post food too..
ill be back
Monjayaki.
That’s less thing I’m trying in Tokyo when I wind up there next month.
Thanks, Yong Fook. Without your august benevolence, I might have wound up in a monjayaki restaurant.
Yong Fook. I’ve seen You update more on Kissui than on Your own blog. C’mon. é ‘å¼µã‚Œ with the updates!
I sincerly worry about your health, who knows what is really inside all that food? Might be real babies, and everyone knows babies aren’t good for you.
Anyway, happy tasting!
P.S. will ya hurry up with the updates?!
when you write food reviews, do u eat the WHOLE entire pack before you write your entries?
girl emancipated, constipated.
a, i might have beaten you by a few months actually d=
PHHHHFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! WIENERCOCKWEINERCOCKWIENERCOCKWEINERCOCKWIENERCOCKWEINERCOCkWIENERCOCKWEINERCOCkWIENERCOCKWEINERCOCkWIENERCOCK
im eating this stuff right now
its horrible
real monja (particularly cheese monja) is great!
this stuff is bulldog cheetos. blech.
by the way, fook, do you only shop at “Shop 99″ or what? it’s the only place i consistently find all the shit you be eating
p.s. if so.. please review all their ‘fresh’ food tray foods. make a day of it, and if you live, post pictures!
haha well cheap and fried food are FUNNER to review than to review fresh foods.
I was reading an older article, where yongfook was at an office party and he was eating stuff that he didn’t want to eat and pretending he liked it. Would people get mad if you tried a little and said you didn’t like it and didn’t want anymore, or just refused to try it altogether? Is that rude? I want to know in case I visit Japan and they put ovaries or intestine in front of me.
mmhmm… fried corn snack.. with veggies.. and its made by frito lay! haha… : D
what in the name of all that is sacred and holy (including swiss cheese, doughnuts and my socks) is bulldog sauce!?!?!?!?!! they eat bull dogs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wtf, i mean would you at least rather eat a dog that looked a little more appetizing?
” Let’s play a new game that’s fun for all the family. It’s called:
“Monjayaki or Pavement Pizza?â€? ”
More like pavement puke : |
face, the Monjayaki was “ready� to eat, which is a nice way of saying it had congealed enough for you to pick bits of it up, it being a substance that resembles what the guy from Robocop