Fran
Disclaimer: In no way is this review in fact a metaphorical analysis of the soul-crushingly pathetic events that transpired in the theater of depression that IS MY LOVE LIFE involving a girl with exactly the same name as this food product.
I bought a box of Fran about 3 weeks ago. At first the box was slightly apprehensive, possibly due to the fact that in my drunken stupor I was using it’s top-right corner to prop myself up on whilst slurring “SO DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND” raising my voice to be heard over the cartoon angel on my right shoulder telling me to shut up shut up please shut up, but for some, utterly unfathomable reason, the box of Fran decided to throw caution and instinct and all warning signs such as the big sign on my head saying “Hi my name is Jon and I’ve never had a relationship that didn’t end in unspeakable horror” to the wind, and agreed to meet me in a quieter setting the next week. So you’re single you say?
Fran and I enjoyed a nice day together. Dinner, chit chat, that kind of thing. And in my admittedly narrow experience with this kind of thing, I believed it warranted at least another date before being able to make any kind of decision as to whether we will both end up in bed or whether she will, in desperation, stab herself in the stomach and run out into public saying “OH MY GOD LOOK WHAT HE DID”.
Fran, I later found, comes in a variety of different flavours in addition to the one that I already knew of, which I’ll refer to as Disarmingly Approachable Fran. A couple of examples:
Blueberry Fran. Colourful. Playful. Laughs at my crap jokes about foreskin liferafts. This Fran also returns my calls. I like this Fran a lot. THAT IS UNTIL I MET,
Dark Chocolate, Executive Fran, who used “work” as a convenient reflex-excuse to whittle down the amount of time she actually had to listen and pretend to laugh at my jokes about foreskin liferafts, rolling her eyes and yawning in my face whilst idly looking at the watch that isn’t on her wrist, and generally had extremely little time to massage and pander to my ego, or simply respond to my calls or messages within 5 days, whichever is asking the least. Just a wall of painful, longing silence.
But Dark Chocolate Fran had some convincing excuses. Buried at my job! she cried. Bed-ridden and ill! she murmured, through cocoa-stained lips, all the while assuring me that we would meet again soon. But aha! Tokyo is a small place if you are…confectionary…for I spotted Dark Chocolate Fran out on a saturday night, partnered with another mystery snack good who was not me in any way, let’s call him Mr Gay Nougat ‘n’ Cherries Bar Stupid Face. Much did this surprise and trouble me.
I called DC Fran the other night, putting forward my evidence, illustrating how all the tetris pieces of this charade are slowly falling into place and they are spelling the words “I SMELL BULLSHIT” which was impressive, especially considering the overhangs on the s’s. Why keep me in the dark? I inquired. If you’re happy with Gay Nougat Man then that’s fine - I’d just appreciate the information so I don’t stay up at night waiting for your messages whilst drinking myself into unconsciousness and banging on the walls of the prison cell of my own insecurity I’M TOO FAT IT’S BECAUSE I’M TOO FAT RIGHT no but seriously, this is a message to all…chocolate bars…female ones…getting…tired…of the metaphor…men are humans too, so don’t frick us about because we’ll only go and write about you on our blogs and WHO WILL BE LAUGHING THEN whilst drinking and crying and chanting “nobodylovesmeI’mgoingtodiealone” over and over until it becomes but a hum of pure insanity.
And Fran’s response? “I’ll email you tomorrow about it”. Well joy of joys. Thank you for finding the time in your busy schedule of having probably amazing sex with Nougat Cherry Whatever Child-Size Fun Bar Person to explain to me what the frick is going on.
Which brings me skidding to the events of today, in which I effectively got an actual Dear Jon letter, albeit it was more like “Jon, please stop calling. Please. Oh God you’re fricking insane please just let me die please just let me die” rather than the well-thought out, reasoned explanatory prose that I hoped I would get.
So here’s to being a fricking loser! Wahey.
Anyway:
Appearance Kind of stick-like and covered in chocolate. Yes I am talking about the actual snack now. 1/5
Taste/Smell Tastes like…failure and self loathing. And kind of berry-ish. 1/5
Health Implications It kept me up all last night just waiting for a fricking reply. 1/5
Fear Factor I only fear that I have actually estranged her and she will never talk to me again. And somewhere, the small, still-functioning part of my brain tells me that this pseudo food review PROBABLY won’t help things. 1/5
Final Rating It makes me even more dead inside. 1/5
buy an easy bake oven, mine’s never let me down
Did you try putting the dark chocolate Fran in the fridge? Hidden images are supposed to appear on the box.
http://open.meiji.co.jp/sweets/chocolate/fran/
bet you she’s sorry now.
Had a few beers then?
the kind of woman who purposefully pretends to have a heart just to get you to love them so she can decide if she likes you or not, after which she drops the pretense and treats you like a channel surfer treats a disaster victim looking weakly and pitifully at the camera in a commercial for red cross relief funds. You may continue to exist after she switches her attention away but any incursions into her current world will be met with quizzical “hmm, something’s wrong with this program” type responses.
The Pocky girls once broke my heart. But there’s like a million girls in Morning Musume, so I just said fuck it, I can’t remember their individuals names anyway.
Wooo… Mind games!
Pocky’s better anyway…
Best. Food review. EVAR
Cheer up man, you make the rest of us feel a lot better about ourselves. Isn’t that a noble purpose in life?
Man, who HASN’T had their girl stolen by Gay Nougat Man? Oh, except here’s the kicker: he’s not actually gay, “he’s just sensitive to my needs.” Give me a fucking break.
So let me get this straight — you’ve been straight up and honest with her all along, and she’s responded with deceit and mind-games? Keerist, yer better off getting outta there early.
all women are evil. i just like to say that because it makes me feel better, but in a way i think it’s true. they like to do things like this because - in a way which makes me feel annoyed at myself for sounding so cliched - they like to feel big and cover up the fact that just by being a woman they’re insecure. why can’t they be more straight forward and stop pretending that making a fool out of yourself by actually showing interest is in fact being true instead of being full of shit like they are. sorry, generalising again, but past experiences back me up on that one. they always want to feel like they’re big and you’re small in the end.
Yeah…evil. Guys never do stuff like that.
jejejejejejeje but it’s always the ‘guys are bastards’ that you hear about. and i hate when ppl try to be annoying rather than constructive. idiot.
I think Jon needs a hug.
Ami, I think Jon needs a SHAG.
What you REALLY REALLY need now is a good HATE FUCK.
I’m available.
So you got one of those “please stop calling” letters too. I got one, but it was more like “Don’t call, don’t write, and please don’t e-mail me”. And then of course she started writing letters to me, which I couldn’t answer. What’s the point of that c-rap? Ooh, and like Guig, I was dumped for Mr. Gay Nougat Bar once. Well, I got the last laugh on that one, you will too. As long as you’ve got plenty of umeboshi-flavoured crisps and kani miso, you’ll be alright. Fran will wake up one day and realize that it was her loss. Don’t get old and bitter like I did.
That was the most angst-and-frustrated-anger-filled food review ever.
I’m so very proud. sniffle
Ignore that bitch of a chocolate stick. You’re an intelligent witty guy, who’s not ugly (this is coming from a hetro guy, so y’know, you’re probably good looking, but I”m not going to say it)… you’ll be fine. Other snack treats will come along. Ones with rich creamy centres.
And Fuckstress is available. waggles eyebrows Crisi-tunity!
Also, your lovelife could be worse. Without sounding too self-involved, I’m a network admin guy at a uni college, surrounded by hot young horny women. I’m 10 years older than them, so I’m a big brother to all of them.
Women… can’t live with them, can’t use their bones for soup.
…Sciby scares me… And Fan, I don’t really want to tell Jon to go get fucked.
man, the same thing happened to me. except i was the chocolate stick bastard. knowing the true evilness of such relational crimes, i suggest you kill the bitch. in some cool ironic way, where like in the end she finds out you were her dad.
That was a truly beautiful (in the tragi-comedy sense) tale. I suppose what they say is true - you can’t have your Fran and eat it. The thing I like about Frans is that when no one’s looking you can slide them up your arse. Sounds like this could be the best cure for your current Fran dilemma. Slip her up your arse and forget about her.
For along while there I really thought you were talking about some kind of ice cream chocolate bar. I was getting so hungry. Thinking of how Fran would taste in my mouth. Licking that chocolate ice cream bar… sucking on the remaining stick. So what does Fran taste like?
For along while there I really thought you were talking about some kind of ice cream chocolate bar. I was getting so hungry. Thinking of how Fran would taste in my mouth. Licking that chocolate ice cream bar… sucking on the remaining stick. So what does Fran taste like?
I wouldn’t know, the box wouldn’t open for me. THE BOX WOULDN’T OPEN FOR ME.
dont trust girls, fooky! nv trust them!
come to me baby, come to me… yeah …
awww, there there.
fran is yummy but it just makes u fat. and when it melts it just makes a mess. plus it’s kinda plain looking, just a stick. and worse of all, it’s not very satisfying cos there isn’t much in the box. =\
hahaha..that was awesome.
One thing I can say is that Fran has a nice box.
Oh, and (Bigger than) Totoro needs to wash the sand out of his vag.
so which one is better.. pockey or fran??
Scrape them off Jon. I’m writing a book called ‘Becoming Free From the Tyranny of Libido’. It’s about how evolution tricks you with lovely boobies, but all that really lies in wait is a world of pain. They’re just fatsacks!
My masterpiece will teach you how to have more control and less crushed spirits. It’s available in December r.r.p £12.99.
guig will you be my lover?
Jon,
I have three pieces of advice from my limited exposure to the dating scene from the past few years:
Having been armed with the ‘nougat-gate’ evidence, I’d have persuaded ‘chocolate stick girl’ to have met for one more date (pleaded even), perhaps to regale her with more body-part jokes but maybe just for a coffee. I’d also have arranged for a ‘professional escort’ shall we call her I dunno, curly-whirly-lady to also meet me there in advance. Then, exchanging funds persuade the latter to perform an oral sex act on you underneath the table in time for chocolate stick girl #1 to arrive. When ‘fran’ sat down hooker-candy-girl emerges, takes a hanky out and delicately wipes her mouth before thanking you and walking off. Make no reference to this and conclude your date early with bitch-chocolate #1.
I can’t say this is a tactic that I’ve personally employed, however I believe there’s never any rational post-mortem of a date gone wrong. That said I had a few dates with a barrister a few years ago and when I stopped calling her I eventually got the most eloquent ‘you are a wanker’ email I’ve ever received. Part of me wishes I kept it because it was a work of art not only lambasting my integrity but also my physical assets. I of course showed my friends/colleagues and then promptly deleted it before it had chance to become one of those urban legend emails.
You know what they say, “plenty more snacks in the combini” ;)
EDITED by Yongfook - yeah sorry to edit comments but outright nastiness towards the poor girl isn’t really what this entry was about. I hope people realise that the main focus of the entry is how awesome and world-crushing my power to make women run far away, so far away, is.
and thus all the female fans of yongfook.com secretly rejoice at YF’s prolonged singlehood…
It’s because you don’t like cheese.
I concur. Best. Food review. Ever.
Dark Chocolate Is bitter-sweet afterall But who can resist
Noone succeeds every time. Hang in there and keep entertaining us!
http://www.yongfook.com/guestbook/guestbook.php
whaaaaaaaa????? i can like totally get back to your old site. duuuuuuude.
she missed out.
Come on, shes got nothing going on upstairs. She’s flat. Unless, of course, you like that. But I think I might have to go lesbian just to try Fran. Think Fran will swing my way?
“the main focus of the entry is how awesome and world-crushing my power to make women run far away, so far away, is. “
poor yongfook :( i seem to have the same effect on men
Oooh…..evil. shakes fist
yongfook, will you go out with meeee?
not without leaving me some way, ANY way, to contact you, no.
Where are the rabid fangirls when you need them? In any case, you still seem to be in high demand — what with all the “yf, will you date/sleep with/marry me?” requests…
Consider it a chance to enjoy singledom a bit longer. :)
Singledom is overrated. I’d grab one these crazies soon Cockle…the crazier the better….
:(
Yongfook just star in a porno flick so we can see what fran is missing out on. Call it “Being DUMPED on by Fran and Ghey Nougat ‘n’ Cherries boy”. Hmmmmmmmm chunky. A sure hit in the AV scene.
I’m taking bets ten-to-one that “tamara” will turn out an axe murderer and slay our dear and beloved Jon. Either that or he makes her cry/run away/jokes about her penis/etc…
Anyone?
hmm. Something along the lines of Misery (the Stephen King novel; movie adaptation stars Kathy Bates) would perhaps be more interesting.
Jon, stop dating confectionary already. Therein lies the problem.
No woman should ever do that to a man and vice versa.
Don’t worry YF, you’ll find someone else much better than her. I don’t know you but judging from your blog, you’re a witty, talented guy with a great sense of humour. I surely wouldn’t mind having a drink or two with you when I get to visit Tokyo ;)
Yong Fook. Dude. You’re in Tokyo. It’s like being in any large city. There are ALOT of opportunities. You should have Fran falling out of Your pockets there are so many Konbinis around. You can make a million mistakes and there will still be 10 million more chances to correct them. Use a sales technique (as learned by a guy not nearly as man pretty)… 10, 3, 1. For every 10 girls You meet & greet, 3 will spend time with You after they get to know You and 1 will go home and Make Your day right away–Doit Yong Fook. 1 every 6 months and tissue after the storm is only Good Website Material… Not a Good Lifestyle.
From a drunken bastard who’s lost all inhibition enough to not post I say: Jon…get that fucking fram…or fran or whatever…and make her yours. You’re not some goddamn web monkey, you’re a violin player, an when are we making a podcast together? Whats wrong with this world are the men of inaction… and the Japanese.
Acccchhhhh!!!! Yer messing about with the wrong choco-bar, boyo!!! Try on one with a carmel center, ya stupid git. Soft n’ creamy oozing goodness, just getting ya sticky. Fran is na fer ya, an stay awa from tha noougat man - he’s just a poofy jelly creeature with na substance. Ya need somthin’ with a creamy center, somethin that just melt in yer hands. Go fer some sticky sweetness with a soft center an maybe some buttery goodness. Ya need to git yer saliva going…listen ta yer taste buds.
must… stop… caring… about others’… personal lives…..
mmm… buttery goodness
Now would be a good time to visit cryingwhileeating.com .
that’s hardcore, man.
Hey Yongfook, I’m really sorry to hear things went so badly with Fran (Fran is a stupid name for a snack anyway)
Isn’t the worst part the endless wait for that reply?? When you already know what could be said, but you still got that gut-churning shock/turned-off feeling, horrible morbid curiostiy, and a small bit of hope, all of which is just making the wait feel like an actual enternity…
I hope you’re feeling somewhat better soon!
My goodness, that’s why we eat Pocky. Fran is for country folks. Welcome to the big city!
Trackback: http://thejinx.org/archive/entries/050707_bald.htm
Something tells me thats not how a trackback works, but there you go. Did you erase your balding article from the archives?
yeah I think it got culled with some other stuff from early 2002 that I thought “well maybe just MAYBE no one gives a fuck about this anymore” but it looks like I was wrong. I wouldn’t worry about the moulting - my hairline has gone up and it has been replaced by hair in other places. Just look at Jude Law - he has a receding hairline and the women lust after him. So as long as you look like Jude Law I think you’ll be ok. But all in all look upon it as a bleak reminder of your own mortality and that one day you will eventually die. No wait, don’t think that. Anyway, there’s always prostitutes, they have sex with bald people for money I hear.
have you tried the tiramisu fran it’s pretty freakin ‘ tasty
I have been called the “black Jude Law” on more than one occasion. But I think they were drunk.
May I observe that perhaps the lesson here is: don’t fall too hard, too fast?
Yee-Owch. The worst part about stuff like this is that it makes you feel like something that just got scraped off someone’s shoe. Ick. Remember, your blog cheers people up, makes them laugh, and essentially matters. And that’s just your blog, dude,.. I think you should be pretty okay in real life. XP
Plus, don’t worry about your “awesome and world-crushing power to make women run far, far away” You’re male, that power’s embedded in the Y chromosome. You’ll find someone who’s immune to your brand of it.. eventually.. Plus you’re cute ^_^
How’re you feeling after a bit of time?
Fran is Pocky’s snotty, prettier friend who boasts more chocolate mousse and a way higher price-tag. Stick with Pocky. Pocky is inexpensive, reasonable and just as tasty (with that extra hint of cookie since it isn’t slathered in layer upon layer of rich dark chocolate).
You deserve something awesome. Like Pocky. (Ignore Pretz. Pretz is easy but it sucks and it makes your mouth dry). Fear not! Your confectionary delight will someday be around the corner and it will call you back and love you, too. You’re so fucking hot and witty anyway. It shouldn’t take long.
Man, you should know by now that superheroes live a life of misunderstood lonliness.
How were you shut down? I don’t understand!
God. If you can’t sustain a love life, what hope do the rest of us have?!
fruck.
With that said, I love Ume Chips and Fran. What’s wrong with you, man?
Surely Jon is feeling better now what with all the groupies cropping up. And this is just because he posted he was upset. Can you imagine the response if he actually asked for all the fan girls to put their hand up?
Hehe, I freaked out Ami. My life is complete.
And I think Jon just needs a hug and a pat on the arse, and to be sent on his way to find more women. Will he alienate them, or will he gain carnal knowledge?
Ami, you’re right.
All fangirls of Jon, form a line to the left, have your CV and press photos ready, actually living in Toyko would be best, Japan is good, Armenia is right out.
God, work is sucking my soul dry today. And it didn’t even buy me a drink.
With that said, I love Ume Chips and Fran. What’s wrong with you, man?
Well ume chips taste like umeboshi, and Fran crushed my soul into fine powder and made me feel like a woman-repelling leper. I think that’s basically why.
we want more nekkid pix…
I revoke my sympathy. I think dealing with one tart flattering her ego in Tokyo is preferable to the week I’ve had in London.
The act of giving something up is painful. But as we negotiate the curves and corners of our lives,we must continually give up parts of ourselves. The only alternative is not to travel at all on the journey of life. - Scott Peck
Crap… decided to give you a few quotes to cheer you up.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Thank you for sharing your pain. The truth is beautiful. I want to give you manly love now…just kidding.
very interesting picture u got there. very artistic…..
ok so basically is Fran barked, you would jump. Crushed your soul into powder.LOL.
hahaha awww…never mind, i’m sure you’ll find another ’snack’ to try out soon! :D (i realise now where this food review business was going!)
what kind of name is fran anyway, short form of francis, which is a boy’s name. so what’s she hiding? do you need the confusion?
come on… you’re a western guy in tokyo… you should have no problem getting a girl, standards or no. firstly you have all the japanese girls dying for a nice “sensitive” western bf, and on top of that you have all the lonely western girls, ignored by geisha-seeking western men and scared japanese pampered man-boys alike, who just want a bit of lovin’. you have it easy, boy.
Holy cow!! Man-crying is so lame. To rid yourself of your shame, go to any bar and drink yourself silly while groping the arse of many a buck-toothed Jap girl. or, grab your balls, shake them while roaring as manishly as you can.
Good luck!
“fran” reminds me of the butch editor supervising me during my internship, who used to hand sticks of those out, saying, “eat me”.
There are lots of school girls in japan willing to satisfy men for money. why not indulge yourself
Can you like please Please PLEASE FUCKEN UPDATE ALREADY!!!!!
Patience is a virtue, dear Fuckstress. The poor lad is busy with his life and rebuilding his shattered ego.
And stocking up on Pocky…
If it helps, the exact same thing happened to me, the EXACT SAME THING, 3 times, in the last month. “This girl reminds me a lot of this girl I was seeing about 10 years ago, apart from not being a dangerous psycho, haha (cue ominous music).”
I think it’s time to get some deoderant. The local whores must smell my desperation as they’ve been accosting me on a daily basis now.
Mmmmmm… hot pocky-on-pocky action.
Rudd: You mean circling like sharks around an injured fish?
Something very like that yes. More perhaps like pumas ripping chunks of meat off a still twitching roebuck.
If I had a dime for every time I wished I was a twitching roebuck…
Hmmmmm… hot roebuck-on-roebuck action.
Haha! Sciby rocks
boring
JohnKFB: Why thank you, you’re most kind.
Take your hand off my leg.
im quite liking how there’s a little yongfook community building up here… albeit one that seems to be focussed entirely on bleeding animals/having sex with bleeding animals…
who needs wimin aaanyways or chocolate sticks? :p i mean what’s wrong with a tub of homemade ice cream, final fantasy and a hardcore porno? and maybe some fluffy farm animal? then you can make a song about it, excellent!
Tessa: these are followers of Yongfook. I’ve learnt not to expect anything else.
Jon …. how come I feel like the whole universe name Jon. Not like it’s a bad thing. Trying to get over a person. And now or days i just ran into people name Jon everywhere…..
Jon …. how come I feel like the whole universe name Jon. Not like it’s a bad thing. Trying to get over a person. And now or days i just ran into people name Jon everywhere…..
I thought I had already replied to this… hmmm…
Erm, yes, anyway… Tessa: we’re not talking about having sex with bleeding animals. We’re talking about bleeding animals having sex with each other.
Sonny’s post(s) makes my eyes water.
yongfook, wherefore art thou?
My god, you actually have a website and a following? I had no clue a wanker like you was so popular.
Seriously, nice entry though. I mean, in my glazed eyes that peruse 10000 random webpages and xangas a day, yours stood out as a solid piece of shit in an ocean of diarrhea.
By the way, that’s an American, heterosexual way of saying “Good job, dude.”
japajew: … interesting metaphor. “Congratulations, yongfook, your site is da shit!” [laugh]
sciby: if you want to get technical, might i point out that guig wished that he was a “twitching roebuck”, so to have “roebuck-on-roebuck action” would actually mean guig-the-twitching-roebuck copulating madly with another roebuck.
japajew’s post makes my brain hurt.
Tessa: That’s hot.
No, wait. That’s mindbendingly disturbing.
No, no. It’s hot.
Really hot.
Only because you’re getting roebuck arse.
I just heard some sad news on talk radio - blogger Yongfook was found dead in his Tokyo home this morning. There weren’t any more details. I’m sure everyone in the Yongfook community will miss him - even if you didn’t enjoy his work, there’s no denying his contributions to popular culture. Truly a British icon.
you Wish he was dead. psycho.
How tragic! I’ll never be able to read bizarre accounts of random events from yongfook anymore. My life has lost all meaning. Excuse me while I sob my heart out in a corner…
(tamara : er, you may want to check your romeo and juliet cliff’s notes re. that line )
i spoke to yongfook recently on MSN and i can assure you that he is still alive and well… sadly.
sciby: how do you know it’s guig getting roebuck arse? can it not be the roebuck getting guig-arse? shudders
banana? BANANA?!!
WHATTTT???????????????????
i’m bored, please kill me.
Banana? banana?!!! “Whatcha Talkin About, Willis?”
Update your site yongfook….or ill eat you and the hot looking twitching roebuck everyone is talking about.
suggestion for your print club–you should put in a button that takes back the last thing you’ve done–or at least put in an eraser
Dear Tessa,
Do not be fooled by cheap imitations of our dear and beloved Yongfook. I assure you he is quite dead since I attended his funeral and had to comfort his mother in a very intimate fashion.
I think fan is that evil twin brother that exists in yongfook’s slightly dotty imagination, except that the clever ironic twist is, the little novelty of a sibling fraud actually came to life and stabbed yongfook in the back (literally) and now his laptop is probably laden with blood and probably remains of beer from the other night.. and one other unidentified stain..
Tessa: Well… er… yeah, I suppose if Guig wants to play role-reversal and be violated by a punctured and dying roebuck, then they can. (Let’s not assign Guig a sex just yet)
However, the roebuck would probably need assistance.
Since work is boring, and distracting me is good, MSN: sciby.at.hotmail.com
If you’re a random, and you scare me, I’ll block you and cry quietly.
I can’t promise there’ll be talk of roebucks, or in fact, any bovine creatures.
Er, the msn thing was for everyone, not just Tessa. She’s not a random.
Well, kinda. I’m not sure.
Jesus, I went from wanting to be a twitching roebuck to being a sexless beastiality fetishist being penetrated by a dying roebuck.
At least you’re getting sex.
Jon’s not.
Well, neither am I, come to think of it. Hmm…
I’m starting to wish I’d never mentioned the still-twitching roebuck.
As you were.
You’re not the boss of me.
I have good reason to believe that NOBODY is getting sex here. Except for the roebuck guys. They own.
Anyone tired of crappy wiggley drawings of cocks and manginas on this site????…… thought not.
” Roebuck ghey action is hot “
Is yongfook going to turn into some deistical entity? If so, I’m going to leave now. I don’t handle religion well, and I’ve never been one for worship.
And I hate you all. Sheep. The lot of you.
Hush, roebuck-toy, you’re waking the lambs.
aww… its okay we know that your going to end up with a guy anyway :-P
chocolate-caramel-blue-berry-strawberry sticks… take my word for it man, just reach for the eclaires. or better yet, the doughnuts.
yongfook takes a shit and you all scramble around the feces like mongrelized monkey children. shame on you all.
Yeah, and shame on you for being a pretentious twat, desperately clinging to self-proclaimed superiority…. even though you’re posting here with us.
Hah, you’re infected now, monkey child.
yong fook, please return! i’m getting bored of roebuck sex comments. that Stick doesn’t know what she’s missing, but i’m missing you..r posts…
Amazing. In about 10 days there have been 136 comments.
I see a lot of Sciby. Wait — Sciby’s a guy?
Yes, Sciby’s a guy. :P
I comment a lot because I have a job where I”m bored and I have access to the internet.
http://www.niceguyjin.com/ - And I love that, for some strange reason.
All hail the great yongfook.
Update the fuck…up…already. You know what i mean.
Sounds to me like you were looking for something sweet and delectable and all you got were empty calories.
Not to mention, you made an impulse buy based on the looks of the package rather than the actual contents.
Make sure you carefully read the nutrition label next time before purchasing.
goob
who the fuck made that pseudo jap hiphop video?
tessa: The same guy from the Suzuki Solio ad at http://www.octopusdropkick.net
It’s stupid, yet I can’t stop watching it.
http://www.octopusdropkick.net/terebi/vid/soliowhitefro.avi
I have no idea…but that rocks. alot.
Jon if you’re really dead and you want me to take over your apartment, website and job just send me a sign. Make it rain in London or something.
Okay, guys - Jon just contacted me from the spirit realm by making it rain in England, which means I now own and run this website. My reign will be glorious.
My first new rule is everyone who posts a comment must address me as Almighty Yongfook of the Second Coming. And no-one else is allowed to draw an ‘amusing’ ‘picture’ cock and balls squirting baby gravy over a manga girls’ face with my virtual sketchpad.
ok, apparently niceguyjin is a new hiphop group from tokyo featuring a former college basketball player, and 2 other guys
That’s cool. Sciby is entertaining us with his own mini blog. Since you know Youngfook is playing hard to get.
johnkfb: goddammit, are they real or not? im a little befuddled by their music video, either they’re taking the piss out of cheesy ‘we woz ‘ere! look how exotic this place is!’ gaijin-in-tokyo videos… or they’re actually, you know, real cheezy gaijins-in-tokyo.
I think they are real–you can see they have their “onsen” song featured in one of those beat-style video games in the music video–ok, I just read this article, i think it has everything you ever wanted to know about them: http://www.jpop.com/niceguyjin.php
Aaugh. That video was bad. Very bad. WHY are they a hit (if what jpop.com claims is true)?
if you can understand japanese, i think it’s hilarious…
OMGWTFKILLMENOW. I’m dying here.
John Kawamura Fanboy?
Ha!
I’m not trying to entertain everyone… and one of my comments seems to be pending moderation, so perhaps I’ve worn out my welcome.
Anyone seen the Descent? its gooooood.
Nope… saw Sincity the other night… pretty good, but a bit overhanded in some places. Plot was a bit all over the place as well… almost like Pulp Fiction, but not as fluid between changes.
Sin City is manjuice in cinematic form, hyper-machismo made palatable by slick effects. Nonetheless, I enjoyed it.
Woo hoo, first official screening of Joss Whedon’ Serenity at the Edinburgh film festival! He’s gonna be there tooooo! o god thats deffinatly got my geekjuice flowing!!!
Shit both screenings sold out! They just added an additional date and that was sold in 40 mins. Fuck i blame yongfook for this.
????-Ha, it wasn’t quite a secret, and it turns out to be a lot easier to type this way.
Moo.
Moo indeed, our bovine friend.
Say, did you know you’re made of steak and leather jackets? No? Step through through this door, and don’t mind the steel grating floor.
Sorry about that JFKB. It just amused me to no end to see another KOC member out here in the Internets. I just wanted to be sure…
Also, congrats on being able to use Google.
Also, Xanga???
LOL!
LOL stalker man. I assume you know my email address by now, so drop me a line and tell me about my xanga, because i am befuddled how you got a hold of that one unless you are just bs’ing me.
ok, i figured it out, altavista.
What the fück was that nineguyjin video?! I managed to get 23 seconds into it before closing the window and attempting to take my own life. Anybody do better?
they’re real, they’re real! claws face
I still can’t figure out why you guys have to react so horribly to it! It’s awesome! I mean come on, “é…”ã?£æ‰•ã?„ã?Šã?°ã?•ã‚“ã?®å¤‰ã?ªè©±”？
Dear Yongfook readers,
I just got off the phone with Jon’s mum and she informed me he has been suffering from a penile infection.
Hope you get well soon, Jon!
Are the “rabid fangirls” mentioned above a sort of Christmas selection box or, if you will, a tin of Cadburys Roses? I always get left with the Orange ones whilst my brother gorges himself on the whippy walnut ones. I imagine your problem would be constantly mistaking the toffee log for the fudge role and breaking your teeth on them?
Oh and Japajew can’t spell faeces.
I agree with JohnKFB, I think they’re alright. It’s better than learning Japanese out of a textbook.
A penile infection, lovely.
Must be from too much… self-manipulation.
Just out of curiosity, have you thried a similar product called Pocky? Its something thats gaining alot of popularity here in the sates, so I was wondering if it’s as popular there as everyone here seems to think it is. I’m new to this site, having stumbled upon it by accident, but after reading one entry, I had to go back and read them all….you’re absobloodylutley hillarious.
Awesome, one person agrees with me. Huh-huh, I can pick chicks up on the intarweb
Pocky? Pffft. Been around Asia for ages. ate it loads when I was a kid. You Yanks been missing out on loads of good shit!
I wonder if this thread will continue its 170+ rampage now that yongfook has posted a new entry…
Never!
I mean… er… damnit.
Maybe YF should make some forums. nod
Hell yes it will!
…guess not.
I won’t agree with you twice (feel free to point out the irony)
Why do you remind me so much of Hugh Grant? It’s not just the accent…
awww Jon, don’t worry you have me, I still luv you…….even though I am MILLIONS of miles away, but none the less she’s probably a huge slag anyways, and I pity the twat that goes out with her next. Just think of it as a lucky escape ;)
Uh oh… reading this made me realize that perhaps i could have come off a little Franish at times… Now i wonder what guys say about me and how much they really hate me but i swear it was never my intention to hurt anyone, so please have mercy on Fran for she probably never thought that her actions could affect people so deeply, and yes maybe she did act selfishly, however it was probably due to her own insecurity. she might hav some mental cockroaches of her own. i mean how well do you really know that girl?
awww it’s ok Jon. There are plenty of little girls that still lurrrrvvvv you like me! Oops I gotta go I think my mom is back from yoga early.
FRAN GOOD BWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAG
you should try looking for a Ms. Ocean Spray Craisins. She would be much healthier for you and makes for a naturally sweet review.
vasco rossi
vasco rights
hey cocky bastard.I love you.cum bang me:P
Hello!. Nice site.