Yongfook is a web producer and usability consultant based in Tokyo

Just a quick entry about something that is pertinent to the moment.

“Looks like another typhoon be a comin’”,

the villagers have been saying of late, characterised in the soon-to-be-made movie of my life as dirty, ape-like creatures that speak to you whilst brandishing oversized chicken drumsticks.

Of course, there is ALWAYS a typhoon coming. That’s just the norm for this region of Asia and people learn to tune out all the hoo-ha, like when you ask your girlfriend “how was work” and proceed to switch off for the next 5 minutes, only to awaken with a start and blurt out some generic line like “oh that sucks”:

Woman: And then I took him the stapler and yadda yadda yadda yadda Man: - Woman: - yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda- crowbar and some strawberry jam and I ended up getting a promotion! Man: - Woman: - Man: - DAH- oh that sucks. Woman: haha you joker you. Lets have sex.

Japan really pulled the short straw when it comes to natural disasters as Japan tends to get all the different types - earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, typhoons, tsunami etc. Not content with being the country that gets pounded the shit out of the most in the entire world for doing nothing other than just happening to be situated in a geo-meteorologically SHITE location, Japan actually went ahead and created Godzilla, a fictional natural disaster, just so it could win the “Country With Most Natural Disasters” event at the Olympics that I just made up in my head, where the last round was a tie with America and Japan was all like “you goin’ DOWN, yankee stupids” and whipped out Godzilla, who was all like “roar” but then America said “check this shit out” and pulled out SANDRA BERNHARD who was not only several thousand times more physically repulsive than Godzilla, striking terror into all who laid eyes upon her underbite and generally devolved appearance but who also immediately told twenty lame jokes about clit piercings which made Godzilla’s head explode and thus lost Japan the gold medal.

Anyway shit, where was I - oh that’s right I’M GOING TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Because the typhoon this time around, unlike all the other typhoons that we get warnings for, is actually going to plough right through the area where I live. As in, if the path predictions turn out to be accurate, the eye of the storm will be passing right over my region of southern Kumamoto, tomorrow in the afternoon sometime.

So what this means is that right now the wind is howling and its raining not only cats and dogs, but also wildebeest and basking sharks and gila monsters and dugongs and my house is being pummelled to crap - and this is probably only a tiny tiny fraction of what it is going to be like tomorrow, seeing as the typhoon is currently still far out at sea.

So to all those who care, spare me a thought as a lay tomorrow, trapped under the mangled remains of my house, gnawing at my own hands - now just bloody stumps - for nutrition as I wait for someone to come and save me except they can’t because they are all dead. Everyone.

Maybe.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 29th, 2004 at 9:35 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.