MANEEEee
Let me introduce one of my favourite Japanese TV shows.
Now, during my first few months in Japan it would never have occurred to me that I would actually start enjoying Japanese television, let alone having a favourite show, seeing as most of Japanese television programming can be categorised into two distinct areas: cooking shows, and shows that defy the human threshold for inanity.
However, amongst all the crap, there are one or two shows that I tune into every week to watch. One of these is “Mane no tora” which translates as “Tigers of money”, or “Money Tigers”. The basic premise of this show is that people apply to have a meeting with a panel of investors. These investors are big characters in the Japanese business world, ranging from Pornography tycoons to Import/Export traders to Finance company CEOs. A part of me is sceptical about how true their profiles are seeing as they are on this show constantly rather than overseeing their multi-million yen businesses, but the other part of me believes them because basically I’m a gulliable twat who swallows up everything he sees on TV.
This meeting with the investors is essentially a sales pitch. The applicant sits interrogation style on one side of the room with the investors on the other, and tells the panel of his/her money-making scheme, usually for which they have done a lot of research for, since the panel asks them many questions regarding their business plan. The idea is usually some kind of small-business start up, like a café, restaurant etc. The applicant comes in with a sum of money in mind, which is the amount they feel they need to get this idea off the ground and making money in the real world, and it is the purpose of this meeting to get the money from the investors. Money is then paid back incrementally after the 1st day of actual business.
What makes this show so interesting to watch is not just the emotional ups and downs of the desperate applicant, but also the characters that these investors have become. There is a real sense of good-cop bad-cop, with the fat, hard-ass chairman of Monolith Inc (some kind of stocks company) basically saying every idea is the most hilariously bad thing he has ever heard of and laughing the applicant into tears of crushing shame, and the more mild-mannered chairman of huge pornography label Soft On Demand and chairman of Luft Japan (car trading) being slightly more neutral and coaxing the applicant to keep talking about their idea. But of course, their opinion on the applicant’s idea changes from show to show, as does their personality. Gotta keep it fresh, y’see.
In many ways this show bears some resemblance to those “American Idol” style panel-selection shows, but for some reason I find this compellingly watchable whereas I find shows like the aforementioned idol shows reprehensibly crap in every possible way. I suppose it’s more to do with the fact that there is a real dignity (and thus, something to be lost) about going before a panel of rich people and saying something like “I have had a little ramen shop for 20 years. I believe our ramen is very delicious. I would like to open another shop, in a busy area of Tokyo. I want everyone to eat our ramen” rather than “oh YAH I want to be totally FAMOUS and on TV and get paid LOADSZZ!!!11″ which seems to be the underlying objective of any find-a-star applicant.
Thus, it is at once this nations affection for those with the can-do spirit and also everyone’s sadistic and subconscious desire to see people FAIL MISERABLY, that serve as the main reasons for watching this show. To give you an idea of some of the stories that come out of the show, here are examples of past applicants:
Applicant A: Young guy with a dream of starting up a crepe-making portable restaurant (basically serving out the back of a van). Cooked for the panel. Mixed reactions ranging from “delicious” to “this ain’t anything special”. Ended up getting however much he needed. Started the business and was able to pay them back the first instalment on the first day with no problems. 2nd day was more troublesome. Went downhill from there. PHNAR! I said, as I sat on my sofa, drinking beer and smiling at another’s misfortune.
Applicant B: A guy who was a bit of a fried rice whiz, wanted to start a shop selling fried rice of all different global styles. The food he cooked looked REALLY good, but they shot him down on account that his pricing plan was set too high and they didn’t have faith in consumers buying posh fried rice at 800-yen when they can get a curry or a bowl of ramen for 500-yen. Fair enough. Made the guy cry through. PNHAR! I scoffed, sitting in my throne of ivory, stroking a baby unicorn and smoking a huge comedy cigar.
Applicant C: A mid-30s ex-model chick wanted to start up a kind of ‘beauty café’ place in a fairly exclusive part of Tokyo. REALLY hamming it up with the pouting and eye-flirting in her sales pitch. Her catch with the café was that clients would be able to get beauty treatment and also drink her ’special’ health drinks, which were made out of various things like vegetables and raw minerals. She let the panel try the drinks. Mixed reactions again - fat guy said it tasted like shit (you should have seen the look on her face) but a few other people said it tasted pretty good. This lady also asked for the largest amount of money I have ever heard of in the months I have been watching the show - a whopping 14′750′000-yen (usual requests rarely go above 8′000′000). Porno King Takahashi was first to slap down the goods, giving her 10′000′000-yen (Jesus H. Christ) leaving the rest to be paid by fat guy (the others didn’t want a hand in it). The lady almost CACKED her pants when porn dude laid down his huge (almost foot-high) pile of cash. Something inside me twitched at this scenario, a porn king giving an ex model a huge amount of money in such good faith, but that’s the cynic inside of me wanting more blood that I am being fed, I guess. When she got all the money she needed she said “thank you” a lot, then burst into tears. PHNAR! I cried, hoping it would all go massively pear-shaped in the next show (which hasn’t been aired yet).
Fingers crossed the bitch goes down.
Salz barometer attractor proteges,respected repelled hammered Millikan