Yongfook is a web producer and usability consultant based in Tokyo

HE LIIIIIIIVEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS.

A lot of things have happened since the last entry. None of which I can really remember in any detail though, so I’ll arbitrarily try to piece together what little remains, like a child with ADD and a jigsaw puzzle, or the surfing partner of Rodney Fox.

In the past two weeks my job (if ‘job’ is defined as ‘What They Are Paying Me To Do’) has shifted its focus somewhat. Before, people could argue that I had some kind of purpose here but now along with every single employee at the school, any passion or motivation associated with doing this job has of late sort of melted away into merely a half-arsed effort to keep breathing. You see, it’s the summer holidays, which means - as much as you might think there would be things to do (marking test papers, preparing for next term) - there really is absolutely naff all. What this requires from me is that I come in at the usual time around 8am, and then sit at my desk. Immediately after my arse hits the chair I let my brain activity dwindle down until I reach an echelon of nonbeing where I bear all the hallmarks of being dead (not moving, no reaction to stimulus, slight decomposition), but in fact I am still functioning enough that my lungs puff in and out and my ears still register sounds. It’s a coma-like state of absolute oneness with the fact that you have NO PURPOSE at that immediate time. It’s like a kind of nirvana for JETs, although a crapper, less sacred one. We could call it mudhoney*.

Which as you can probably imagine, isn’t so much conducive to adding to a diary of ‘hilarious’ Japanese fish-out-of-water amusing scrapes as it is to piercing my eyeball with a fork then setting my pubic hair on fire and running round the staffroom shouting “JUNGLE FLAME!” - just to get a reaction from the lifeless shells-of-people that are here right now.

However, in the period BEFORE this lull, a few things happened.

After Cheryl left I had to start preparing a presentation. YEEESSS in what must seem to be an act that is literally festooned in irony, I gave a presentation to the new Kumamoto JETs at the 2003 prefectural orientation, on life in the inaka. I think the fairytale analogy of this is the drunken younger brother of the Pied Piper using a set of mangled castanets to gleefully lead a pack of wide-eyed village children into a meat grinder by accident, then sort of looking shiftily from side to side before pushing the meat grinder off a cliff. If you know what I mean.

So, among other news, you may have now gathered that the new JETs have arrived. This is by far the most poignant sign that it has in fact been a whole year since I came to Japan (you know, apart from the jaundice and diminishing sex drive). When I look back on the year, I can actually say that I have learnt a lot. Not just in obvious areas such as Japanese language and general communication, but also more tacit characteristics such as tolerance, adaptation, and the ability to remain calm when a 5 year old is thrusting their fingers up your arse almost pancreas-deep.

And so I start a new year. My 2nd year in Japan.

I’ve had a few changes in my timetable. I have a new Junior High School to teach at (I still go to the old one, so I have 2 in total now) which ALSO means I no longer do kindergarten visits, much to the obvious chagrin of the other ALTs in my town. I will miss kindergarten though. At that age, the children are easiest to please. Act like an idiot (this is fairly normal for me), pretend to bump into a wall, draw a pig with 7 legs etc and they are eating out of your hands (whilst shoving theirs up your rectum, of course). Junior High kids are a bit more difficult to crack. And indeed, as I sat with the small class of 5 year olds for the last time, making finger puppets of cats, dogs and rabbits to play “What time is it Mr Wolf” with a menagerie of different animals for the wolf (me) to catch, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness. But then one of the little shits sneezed in my face so I came to my senses.

*this joke was so dire that I retyped it several times before realising in horror that I couldn’t come up with anything better.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 27th, 2003 at 5:33 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.