Driving in Japan
The urge to write this entry has been building up inside me for a long time now and Ive decided its time to let it all out, like a great big vomit. So here it is, the Driving In Japan entry, or what I like to refer to affectionately as “4 Reasons Why All Japanese Drivers Must Die”.
1) Japanese cars are really stupid When we - the ignorant westerners - think of Japanese cars, the ones that spring to mind are sleek, nippy sports cars from the likes of Nissan and Honda. Its not until you live in Japan that you realise the west only imports a tiny percentage of the available spectrum of crap that Japanese car manufacturers excrete into the market each year. Ranging from ‘mini-MPVs’ that are as tall as they are long, yet can still only sit two midgets and their pet ant, to delicious looking silver roadsters that have sub 1000cc engines made out of old Pringles tubes and sellotape, the variety is enough to make you go quite bonkers. What makes this several thousand times worse is the fact that Japan is very much an optional extras society. Ive already seen a version of my k-car, complete with bodykit, tinted windows, massive exhaust pipe and huge alloy wheels. It was enough to make me weep for all of Japan and go home to wash myself clean.
2) The ‘creeping out’ syndrome Japanese drivers are timid and wary to a fault. In business, Japanese people are not risk takers and the same is true for their driving. When turning into a main road, a Japanese person will not stop and wait for a gap in traffic. To do so would be to place all their faith in their driving ability and judgement, at getting them into that gap in the flow successfully. Instead, Japanese drivers creep out very, VERY slowly, regardless of whether there is traffic, and of course, impending horrible death. The outcome of such behaviour is twofold. If the oncoming driver is Japanese, they will slow down, get out of the car, bow, serve tea, arrange some flowers and commit seppuku. At this point, the other driver knows it is safe to pull out into the main road and continue along their way. IF the oncoming driver is a gaijin like me, the situation is slightly different. You watch the Japanese driver creep out centimetre by centimetre. The Japanese driver assumes that you too are Japanese and that you will eventually slow down to let them out. Becoming more alarmed as you realise you will now have to violently swerve to avoid the Japanese driver, you chant “hang on hang on hang on HANG ON” until you realise that you are now on the other side of the road, and there is a petrol tanker coming straight for you.
3) The ‘thankyou’ horn In Japan, the horn on a car is exclusively used for saying Thank You. It took me a while to realise this, after having given way to people, being beeped, and thinking “what the frick did I do, you bastards” several times. Annoyingly, this means there is absolutely no way of expressing your utter contempt at the ineptitude and downright inverse skill of some Japanese drivers. You can honk all you want, but all they hear is “thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou”.
4) Overzealous Flashing Japanese drivers LOVE to flash their headlights. They will flash you in the day, they will flash you at night. Japanese people flash their headlights to tell you that you are doing something wrong. I have been flashed for having my headlights on too early in the evening, and I saw one driver flash another driver continuously for about 2km, because his turn signal was on. However, its not always totally clear why you are being flashed. I like to call the few seconds immediately after you are flashed, the “Post Flash Crazy Danger Panic Arrg Bang Time Zone”, as you check everything that could have conceivably warranted a flashing whilst not watching the road, causing you to plough straight into another petrol tanker or a crowd of happy schoolchildren.
it is I like to call the few seconds immediately after you are flashed.
for me “Post Flash Crazy Danger Panic Arrg Bang Time Zone� is best, thanks
nice story