Bye bye summer
Its getting colder.
I was brusquely awoken to this harsh reality after sitting on the toilet one morning and giving out a little yelp. Usually my toilet seat rests in a state of perpetual warmth, as if a thoughtful invisible man sits on it whilst I am not there. This time, the room had become some kind of anti-hell, a frozen wasteland of porcelain and pot pourri, the bowl becoming both a provider of relief and a sharp test of physical endurance.
Although my upbringing in the United Kingdom might have blessed me with the power to withstand depressingly grey and damp weather, being in Japan under these conditions adds a new and painful twist. A typical Japanese house will be as well insulated as a garden shed. All that protects you from the elements are walls a few centimetres thick, constructed out of a cardboard paper mache-like substance.
Walking to the bathroom after I wake up has become an amusing early morning trial of manual dexterity as I try to make as little contact with the freezing cold floor as possible, walking on my heels or simply taking huge strides.
During the cold months in Japan, people keep warm by setting up kerosene heaters in their living rooms, which spew out all kinds of less-than-healthy smelling fumes. There is a kind of morbid irony about conquering something that can kill you relatively quickly, by using something that kills you extremely slowly.
Anyway, onto more Japanese TV.
First off, “Henna Braza Contesuto!” - a daytime show in which they parade contestants next to their ugly/fat/hideously tall brother, and whoever is voted the weirdest wins a playstation. Many of the contestants are children, who are programmed to just grin away whilst they are poked fun at. I’m as yet undecided as to whether this is just cruel or sheer maniacal genius. Winning brothers are usually those who are young and fat, or old and ugly.
Next, “sarariman kuiku kuizu!” - a show where drunk salarymen (the generic worker-bee type person in any given office environment) slur their way through an enthusiastic self-introduction and then are made to ring a random phone number and talk to the person on the other end about nothing in particular. One contestant that springs to mind was the heavy-metal loving office woman who demonstrated what ‘headbanging’ was, then fell over.
